If you’re a malignant narcissist and you’d like to start a running cult, one of the first things you need to consider is the nutrition of your followers. Technically, your first concern is how to trick a bunch of people into coming to live with you in the woods. But after you’ve figured that out, you gotta know what to feed them while they’re building the enormous multi-story compound shaped like your head.
Of course, it goes without saying that you, the chosen one, can eat whatever you want, but your followers have very specific dietary requirements: they can’t eat spaghetti, they will not have a spatchcock, and they definitely aren’t allowed to polish off a profiterole tower. What the disciples of any dubious faith community eat is GRUEL. And the plainest and most spirit-crushing gruel we know of is the slop they served up in Dickens’ Oliver Twist: Workhouse Gruel. ‘Please, sir, may I have more?’ Knock yourself out, kid. It’s disgusting. And we won’t be sharing a recipe for it here.
What you’ll need for your running cult is a highly nutritious and energy-rich dish that’ll keep your crazed followers on the podium. Lucky you—we’ve got a recipe! Here’s how to make POSSESSED MAG BOOSTED GRUEL. Yum!
Illustrations: Mike Gigliotti
What You’ll Need
Instructions