Another issue of POSSESSED and another throbbing, swollen bag of mail. If this was the pre-internet age, we’d be getting a kickback from the world’s postal services for all the stamps being sold to the people writing us letters. I mean to tell you there were more letters this time round than I’ve had trips to Barcelona—and I have had two trips to Barcelona: one in 2010 for a vacation, and another in 2014 when I flew out from New York to win the heart of girl because I’m romantic like that. Granted, the relationship imploded after seven years, but that’s the itch, baby. If you’d like to write a letter to the editor, you can do so by addressing it to jasoncrumpet@gmail. My surname is Crombie, not Crumpet, but my childhood nickname was Crumpet, and there was a kid on my street with a speech impediment who called me Trumpet. Can you beat that?
Let’s check these letters out.
Dear POSSESSED,
I really liked your interview with the wildlife expert Aaron Van Geem last issue. I run trails in my home state and once I was unlucky to encounter a cougar. I thought I was going to be part of the food chain but I got lucky and she left me alone. But I wanted to say I never run trails without my trusty airhorn now. It fits in my hand while I run. Wanted to recommend it as a safety tip.
Tom,
Oregon, USA
Hey Tom. Wow. That’s a really good idea. I’m thinking pepper spray could also be super useful, or a whistle, or some sausages.
—Ed
Dear POSSESSED,
Can you guys please do an issue about chafing? After every single run almost I’m chafed on my thighs and underarms, but sometimes even random places like my hips. Mostly my thighs, though. I’ve tried all the different anti-chafing things, but nothing works. Help!
Amanda
London, UK
Hey Amanda, that sucks, I’m sorry. I’ve heard that Lucas’ Pawpaw Ointment is the magical chaffing cure-all. Almost every one of your girlfriends will have a tube of LPO in their handbag. Women are addicted to that stuff. Squirrel’s Nut Butter is pretty good too!
—Ed
Dear POSSESSED,
I just read an online article titled ‘I Ran Without a Watch for a Month. It Completely Changed the Way I Run’. And whoever wrote it said how great it was to switch off and trust your intuition while running. I wonder what POSSESSED's position is on this thesis?
Diesel
Berlin, Germany
Dear Premium Unleaded, we don’t have a position.
—Ed
Dear POSSESSED,
The crossword in the most recent issue (POSSESSED No. 59: The Arizona Issue) literally had seven questions where the answer was literally ‘Twine’. Was that just to test your reader’s patience or is it some sort of inside joke I’m not getting? At first, I thought I’d made a mistake, then I thought you’d made a mistake, and now I don’t even know what to think. I liked everything else in the issue, but the ‘Twine’ thing is either stupid/funny or the person who made the crossword is off their meds. Either way, keep up the good work.
Matt,
Sydney, Australia
No comment.
—Ed
If you’d like to write a letter to the editor about pretty much anything, hit him at his burner email: jasoncrumpet@gmail.com
