Special Guest: Porous Walker Special Guest: Porous Walker

JULY 2024

This month’s running stars were cobbled together by Jimmy Dimarcellis—also known as Porous Walker. That’s not him in the picture; that’s the artist Todd Francis modeling a pair of genuine Porous Walker ‘Boobjamas’ on Santa Monica Beach. Porous insisted we use this picture because Todd would get a kick out of it. Hi, Todd!

Porous Walker is very well-known for his art, which is hilarious, lewd, and profoundly imaginative (@porous_walker). But what many people don’t know is that Jimmy/Porous is actually a gifted astrologer, too. Since the age of seven, he’s been closing his eyes and placing his fingers on his temples to predict with near 100% accuracy what will happen to the twelve types of people on planet Earth each month. And that’s why we called him up and had him dictate Your Running Stars down the phone. He definitely didn’t make this shit up as he went along. This is real.

Aries

(March 21 - April 19)

Are you recording? Okay... Aries, this month, you’re going to have to avoid looking at the color green. I can’t explain why. Just don’t look at it.

Taurus

(April 20 - May 20)

Taurus is a bull, right? So, this month, it’s Taurus's turn to eat without utensils.

Gemini

(May 21 - June 20)

Ohhh. Gemini... Oh, man. Well, shit, Geminis, this month you wanna head to Woolworths, get yourself any kind of white fish, and go ahead and cushion your shoes with it for the whole month.

Cancer

(June 21 - July 22)

Oh, wow. Cancer. Do me a favor, Cancers, google Shirley Strickland this month. And only run with Capricorns.

Leo

(July 23 - August 22)

Fuck. Leo. Alright. This one’s easy: LSD. Lots of LSD this month.

Virgo

(August 23 - September 22)

Oh, fuck me. Well, you need to quit running and get yourself a mega ramp, just like the most famous pro skateboarder ever: Jake Brown.

Libra

(September 23 - October 22)

Oh, Libra? Man... Okay, this month, I want you to look at your phone at least once a day.

Scorpio

(October 23 - November 21)

Scorpio! 34. 14. 30. 22. 15. 2. 24. And your magic ball will be 11.

Sagittarius

(November 22 - December 21)

Aw shit. Sadges. This month, you’re gonna need to write this number in at least nineteen public locations with a marker: +61-435-872-3— What? Yeah, it’s your phone number. No? Okay.

Capricorn

(December 22 - January 19)

Capricorn! That’s what I am. Capricorn... This is a tough one. Alright, I got it. Capricorn! This month, avoid saying words containing the letters T, H, E, I, O, L, and F.

Aquarius

(January 20 - February 18)